Honest, Age-Appropriate Conversations About Difficult Deaths
Adults may avoid discussing suicide or violent death because they want to protect a child from painful information. However, children frequently hear partial information through family conversations, school, social media or other young people.
When children sense that information is being hidden, they may create explanations that are more frightening or confusing than the truth.
Start With Simple, Direct Language
Use language that matches the child’s age and understanding.
Begin with the basic truth and add details only as needed. Avoid graphic descriptions. Children may ask the same question many times as they try to understand the information.
Avoid Euphemisms
Use words such as “died,” “suicide” and “killed” when they accurately describe what happened.
Terms such as “went away,” “went to sleep” or “we lost them” can create misunderstandings and unnecessary fears.
Address Misconceptions
Children may believe that they caused the death through something they said, did or thought.
State clearly that the death was not the child’s fault. Reinforce this message more than once.
Do Not Define a Person by the Way They Died
Continue talking about the person’s life, personality, relationships and memories.
The circumstances of the death are part of the story, but they are not the entirety of who that person was.
Keep the Conversation Open
Let children know they can ask questions now or later.
Adults may not have every answer. An honest “I don’t know” is more trustworthy than guessing or providing false reassurance.